Loved You First Read online

  “I will give you one to trade.”

  “Make it the glaze for this ham, and I guarantee he’ll give you anything.” Zack sampled another bite. “It’s great.”

  “You will take some home,” Nadia ordered. “Make sandwiches.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Nick grinned.

  Rachel bided her time, waiting until dinner was over and three of the four apple pies her mother had baked had been devoured. With just a little urging, Nadia was persuaded to play the piano. After a time, she and Spence played a duet, the music flowing out over the sound of clattering dishes and conversation.

  She saw the way Nick glanced over, watching, listening. As cleverly as a general aligning his troops, she dropped down on the bench when Spence and Nadia took a break. She held out a hand, inviting Nick to join her.

  “I shouldn’t have had that second piece of pie,” she said with a sigh.

  “Me either.” It was difficult to decide how to tell her the way the afternoon had made him feel. He wouldn’t have believed people lived this way. “Your mom’s great.”

  “Yeah, I think so.” Very casually, she turned and began to noodle with the keys. “She and Papa love these Sundays when we can all get together.”

  “Your dad, he was saying how the house would get bigger when the kids left home. But now he thinks they’ll have to add on a couple of rooms to hold everyone. I guess you get together like this a lot.”

  “Whenever we can.”

  “They didn’t seem to mind you brought me and Zack along.”

  “They like company.” She tried a chord, wincing at the clash of notes. “This always looks so easy when Spence or Mama does it.”

  “Try this.” He put his hand over hers, guiding her fingers.

  “Ah, better. But I don’t see how anyone can play different things with each hand. At the same time, you know.”

  “You don’t think about it that way. You just have to let it happen.”

  “Well…”

  She trailed off and, unable to resist, he began to improvise blues. When the music moved through him, he forgot he was in a room crowded with people and let it take over. Even when the room fell silent, he continued, wrapped up in the pleasure of creating sound and feeling from the keys. When he played, he wasn’t Nick LeBeck, outcast. He was someone he didn’t really understand yet, someone he couldn’t quite see and yearned desperately to be always.

  He eased into half-remembered tunes, filling them out with his own interpretation, letting the music swing with his mood from blues to boogie-woogie to jazz and back again.

  When he paused, grinning to himself from the sheer pleasure it had given him to play, Zack laid a hand on his shoulder and snapped him back to reality.

  “Where’d you learn to do that?” The amazement in Zack’s voice was reflected in his eyes. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

  With a shrug, Nick wiped his suddenly nervous hands on his thighs. “I was just fooling around.”

  “That was some fooling around.”

  Cautious, trying to put a label on the tone of Zack’s voice, Nick glanced back. “It’s no big deal.”

  Grinning from ear to ear, Zack shook his head. “Man, to somebody who can’t play ‘Chopsticks,’ that was one whale of a big deal.” Pride was bubbling through the amazement. “It was great. Really great.”

  The pleasure working its way into him made Nick almost as uneasy as the criticism he’d expected. It was then he realized that everyone had stopped talking and was looking at him. Color crept into his cheeks. “Look, I said it was no big deal. I was just banging on the keys.”

  “That was some very talented banging.” With Katie on his hip, Spencer moved to the piano. “Ever think about studying seriously?”

  Flabbergasted, Nick stared down at his hands. It had been one thing to sit across the table from Spencer Kimball, and another entirely to have the renowned composer discussing music with him. “No… I mean, not really. I just fool around sometimes, that’s all.”

  “You’ve got the touch, and the ear.” Catching Rachel’s eye, he passed her Katie and changed positions with her so that he sat with Nick on the edge of the piano bench. “Know any Muddy Waters?”

  “Some. You dig Muddy Waters?”

  “Sure.” He began to play the bass. “Can you pick it up?”

  “Yeah.” Nick laid his hands on the keys and grinned. “Yeah.”

  “Not too shabby,” Rachel murmured to Zack.

  He was still staring at his brother, dumbfounded. “He never told me. Never a word.” When Rachel reached for his hand, he gripped hard. “I guess he did to you.”

  “A little, enough to make me want to try this. I didn’t know he was that good.”

  “He really is, isn’t he?” Overwhelmed, he pressed his lips to Rachel’s hair. Nick was too involved to notice, though several pairs of eyes observed the gesture. “Looks like I’m going to have to get my hands on a piano.”

  Rachel leaned her head against his shoulder. “You’re all right, Muldoon.”

  It took him nearly a week to arrange it, but taking another deep dip into his savings, Zack bought an upright piano. With Rachel’s help, he dragged furniture around the apartment to make room for it.

  Puffing a bit, her hands on her hips, she surveyed the space they had cleared under the window. “I wonder if it wouldn’t be better against that wall there.”

  “You’ve already changed your mind three times. This is it.” He took a long pull from a cold beer. “For better or worse.”

  “You’re not marrying the stupid piano. You’re arranging it. And I really think—”

  “Keep thinking, and I’ll pour this over your head.” He caught her chin to tilt her head up for a kiss. “And it’s not a stupid piano. The guy assured me it was the best for the money.”

  “Don’t get started on that again.” She eased closer to link her arms around his neck. “Nick doesn’t need a baby grand.”

  “I’d just like to have done a little better for him.”

  “Muldoon.” She pressed her mouth to his. “You did good. When’s it supposed to get here?”

  “Twenty minutes ago.” Wound up, he began to pace. “If they blow this after I went through all that business to get Nick out for a few hours—”

  Rachel interrupted him, amused and touched. “It’s going to be fine. And I think it was inspired of you to use beer nuts to get him out of the way.”

  “He was steaming.” With a grin, Zack dropped down on the couch. “Argued with me for ten minutes about why the hell he had to go check on a missing delivery of beer nuts when he was getting paid to wash dishes.”

  “I think he’ll forgive you when he gets back.”

  “Hey up there.” Rio’s musical voice echoed up the stairway. “We got us one fine piano coming in. Best you come down and take a look.”

  Rachel tried to stay out of the way—though several times, as they muscled and maneuvered the piano up those steep stairs, she wanted to offer advice. The best part was watching Zack, which she did the entire time the instrument was hauled, set into place and tuned. He worried over the piano like a mother hen, wiping smudges from the surface, opening and closing the lid on the bench.

  “That looks real fine.” Rio folded his massive arms over his chest. “Be good to have music when I cook. You do right by that boy, Zack. He’s going to make himself somebody. You’ll see. Now I’m going to fix us something special.” He grinned at Rachel. “When you going to bring that mama of yours by here so we can talk food?”

  “Soon,” Rachel promised. “She’s going to bring you an old Ukrainian recipe.”

  “Good. Then I give her my secret barbecue sauce. I think she must be a fine woman.” He started out just as Nick came clattering up the steps. “What’s your hurry, boy? Got a fire in your pocket?”

  “Damn beer nuts” was all Nick said as he pushed by. He swung into the apartment, ready for a fight. “Listen, bro, the next time you want somebody to—” Everything went
out of his mind when he spotted the piano standing new and shiny under the window.

  “Sorry about the wild-goose chase.” Nervous, Zack jammed his hands in his pockets. “I wanted to get you out so we could get this in.” He shifted back on his heels when Nick remained silent. “So, what do you think?”

  Nick swallowed hard. “What did you do, rent it or something?”

  “I bought it.”

  Because his fingers itched to feel the keys, he, too, stuck them in his pockets. Rachel nearly sighed. They looked like two stray dogs that didn’t know whether to fight or make friends.

  “You shouldn’t have done that.” The strain in Nick’s voice made it come out curt and sharp.

  “Why the hell not?” Zack shot back. His hands were now balled into fists and straining against denim. “It’s my money. I thought it would be nice to have some music around here. So, do you want to try it out or not?”

  There was an ache spreading, twisting in his gut and burning the back of his throat. He had to get out. “I forgot something,” he muttered, and strode stiffly out the door.

  “What the hell was that?” Zack exploded. He snatched up his beer, then set it down again before he gave in to the temptation to hurl the bottle against the wall. “If that little son of a—”

  “Hold it.” Rachel’s order snapped out as she thumped a fist against Zack’s chest. “Oh, the pair of you are a real prize. He doesn’t know how to say thank you, and you’re too stupid to see he was so overwhelmed he was practically on the verge of tears.”

  “That’s bull. He all but tossed it back in my face.”

  “Idiot. You gave him a dream. It’s very possibly the first time anyone ever understood what he wanted, deep down, and gave him a shot at it. He didn’t know how to handle it, Zack, any more than you would.”

  “Listen, I—” He broke off and swore, because it made sense. “What am I supposed to do now?”

  “Nothing.” Cupping his face in her hands, she pulled it toward hers to kiss him. “Nothing at all. I’m going to go talk to him, okay?” She pulled back and started for the door.

  “Rachel.” He took a deep breath before crossing to her. “I need you.” He watched surprise come into her eyes as he took her hands and brought them to his lips. “Maybe I don’t know how to handle that, either.”

  Something fluttered around her heart. “You’re doing all right, Muldoon.”

  “I don’t think you understand.” He didn’t, either. “I really need you.”

  “I’m right here.”

  “But are you going to stay here, once your obligation to Nick is over?”

  The fluttering increased. “We’ve got a couple of weeks before we have to think about that. It’s…” Steady, Rachel, she warned herself. Think it through. “It’s not just Nick I care about.” She tightened her fingers on his briefly before drawing away. “Let me go find him. We’ll talk about the rest of this later.”

  “Okay.” He stepped back from her, and from what he was feeling. “But I think we are going to have to talk about it. Soon.”

  With a quick nod, she hurried down the steps. Rio merely gestured toward the front of the bar, and, grateful she didn’t have to talk for a moment, she went out to look.

  She found him standing on the sidewalk with his hands balled in his pockets, staring at the late-afternoon traffic. Oh, she knew a portion of what he was feeling. How Zackary Muldoon could get inside you and pull your emotions apart before you had a chance to defend yourself.

  Later, she promised herself, she would think about what he’d done to her emotions. For now, she would concentrate on Nick.

  She stepped up beside him and brushed at the hair on his shoulders. “You doing okay?”

  He didn’t look at her, just continued to watch the fits and starts of traffic. “Why did he do that?”

  “Why do you think?”

  “I didn’t ask him for anything.”

  “The best gifts are the ones we don’t ask for.”

  He shifted, meeting her eyes for the barest of moments. “Did you talk him into it?”

  “No.” Trying to be patient, she took him by the arms so that he had to face her. “Open your eyes, Nick. You saw the way he reacted when he heard you play. He was so proud of you he could barely talk. He wanted to give you something that would matter to you. He didn’t do it so you’d be obligated to him, but because he loves you. That’s what families do.”

  “Your family.”

  She gave him a quick shake. “And yours. Don’t try to con me with that bull about not being real brothers. You care just as much about him as he does about you. I know how much it meant to you to walk in there and see that piano. Mama had the same look on her face on Mother’s Day, but it was easier for her to show what she was feeling. You just need a little practice.”

  Closing his eyes, he laid his brow against hers. “I don’t know what to say to him. How to act. Nobody’s ever… I’ve never had anybody. When I was a kid, I just wanted to hang around him. Then he took off.”

  “I know. Try to remember he wasn’t much more than a kid himself when he did. He’s not going anywhere now.” Rachel kissed both his cheeks, as her mother might have done. “Why don’t you go back inside, Nick, and do what you do best?”

  “What’s that?”

  She smiled at him. “Play it by ear. Go on. He’s dying for you to try it out.”

  “Yeah. Okay.” He took a step back. “You coming?”

  “No, I’ve got some things to do.” Some things to think about, she thought, correcting herself. “Tell Zack I’ll see him later.”

  But she waited after he’d gone in. Standing on the sidewalk, she watched the window. And after a while, very faintly, she heard the sound of music.

  CHAPTER 10

  “Yo , Rachel.” Pete straightened on his stool and sucked in some of his comfortable stomach when he spotted Rachel swinging through the front door of the bar. “How ’bout I buy you a drink?”

  “I might just let you do that.” But her smile was for Zack as she hung her coat on one of the hooks by the door. As she crossed the room, she shot a meaningful glance at the blonde who was seductively wrapped around a bar stool, purring an order for another drink while she walked her fingers up Zack’s arm. “Busy night?”

  Lola juggled a tray as she passed. “That one’s on her third stinger,” she said to Rachel under her breath. “And those big blue eyes of hers have been crawling all over the boss for two hours.”

  “That’s all she’ll do—unless she wants those eyes black-and-blue.”

  Lola gave a snap of appreciative laughter. “Atta girl. Hey, hold on a minute.” With a skill Rachel admired, Lola served a full tray of drinks, emptied ashtrays and replaced an empty basket of chips. “See the brunette by the juke?”

  With her lips pursed, Rachel studied the slim jean-clad hips and the waterfall of honey-brown hair. “Don’t tell me I have to worry about her, too?”

  “No, I do. That’s my oldest.”

  “Your daughter? She’s gorgeous.”

  “Yeah. That’s why I have to worry. Anyway, Zack’s been hinting around about how he’d like Nick to meet some people closer to his own age, so I talked her into coming in, having one of Rio’s burgers.”

  “And?”

  “Nick looked. Actually, he was pretty enthusiastic about busing tables tonight. But he didn’t make a move in her direction.”

  “Looking’s good,” Rachel mused. “It wouldn’t bother you if he was interested enough to ask her out?”

  “Nick’s okay. Besides, my Terri can take care of herself.” Lola winked. “Takes after her mom. Keep your pants on,” she shouted to the table of four that was signaling to her. “Catch you later.”

  “Well, now…” Rachel eased onto the stool between Harry and Pete. A glass of white wine was already waiting for her. “What’s the latest?”

  “Seven-letter word for rapture,” Harry told her. “Ending in ‘y’.”

  Rachel smiled into he
r wine. “Ecstasy,” she said, watching Zack.

  “Okay!” Pleased with that, he skimmed over the blank spaces in his puzzle. “Here’s another seven. Characterized by a lack of substance.”

  “Perfect,” she murmured, shifting her gaze to the blonde, who was leaning her cleavage over the bar. “Try vacuous.”

  “Damn, you’re good.”

  “Harry,” she gave him a smile that had him going beet red, “I’m terrific. Keep an eye on things for me. I want to talk to Nick.”

  Pete watched her go, sighed. “If I was twenty years younger, thirty pounds lighter, didn’t have a wife who’d slit my wrists and still had all my hair…”

  “Yeah. Keep dreaming.” Harry signaled for another round.

  The minute she passed into the kitchen, Rachel took a deep breath. It always smelled like heaven. “Okay, Rio, what’s good tonight?”

  “Everything’s always good.” He grinned, wiping his big hands on his apron. “But tonight my fried chicken’s number one.”

  “There must be a drumstick with my name on it. Hey, Nick.” Now as at home here as she was in her mama’s kitchen, she eased against the counter where he was stacking the dishes. “How’s it going?”

  “By last count, I’ve washed six thousand and eighty-two plates.” But he smiled when he said it. “Zack mentioned you might be coming by tonight. I’ve been looking for you.”

  Rio handed her a plate heaped with fried chicken, creamed potatoes and coleslaw. “If I came by any more often, they’d have to roll me in and out the door.”

  “You eat.” Rio gestured with his spatula before he flipped burgers. “I like to see a woman with hips.”

  “You’re about to.” Her willpower was nonexistent when she was faced with Rio’s extra-spicy chicken. Rachel began to eat where she stood. “Definitely number one,” she said with her mouth full. Rio grinned. “So, did you want to see me about anything in particular?” she asked Nick.

  “No.” He brushed a hand down her hair. “I just wanted to see you.”

  Whoops. “Nick, I really think—”

  “We’ve only got a couple of weeks to go.”