Dance of Dreams Read online

  “Are you open to a bribe?” she murmured.

  “Always,” he told her as she pressed her mouth more firmly to his.

  Justin bounced to the doorway with his freshly scrubbed hands in front of him. He made a face at his parents, then looked down at his sister. “I thought we were going to eat.”

  An hour later Lindsay rushed down the steps, heading out for her evening ballet class. Spotting another of Justin’s cars at the foot of the steps, she picked it up and stuffed it into her bag.

  “A life of crime,” she muttered and pulled open the front door. “Ruth!” Astonished, she simply stared.

  “Hi. Got a room for an escaped dancer and a slightly overweight cat for the weekend?”

  “Oh, of course!” She pulled Ruth across the threshold for a huge hug. Nijinsky scrambled from between them, leaped to the floor and stalked away. He wasn’t fond of traveling. “It’s wonderful to see you. Seth and the children will be so surprised.”

  Through her first rush of pleasure, Lindsay could feel the hard desperation of Ruth’s grip. She drew her away and studied her face. She had no trouble spotting the unhappiness. “Are you all right?”

  “Yes.” Lindsay’s eyes were direct on hers. “No,” she admitted. “I need some time.”

  “All right.” She picked up Ruth’s bag and closed the door behind them. “Your room’s in the same place. Go up and surprise Seth and the children. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

  “Thanks.”

  Lindsay dashed out the door, and Ruth drew a deep breath.

  ***

  Two days later Ruth sat on the couch, a child on each side of her. She read aloud from one of Justin’s books. Nijinsky dozed in a patch of sunlight on the floor. She was feeling more settled.

  She should have known that she would find exactly what she had needed at the Cliff House. No questions, no coddling. Lindsay had opened the door, and Ruth had found acceptance and love.

  After Ruth had left Nick’s office, she’d gone back to her apartment, packed and come directly to Cliffside. She hadn’t even thought about it, but had simply followed instinct. Now, after two days, Ruth knew her instincts had been right. There were times when only family could heal.

  “I thought you must have bound and gagged them,” Seth commented as he strode into the room. “They’re not this quiet when they’re asleep.”

  Ruth laughed. Both children went to climb into Seth’s lap the moment he sat down.

  “They’re angels, Uncle Seth.” She watched him wrap his arms around both his children. “You should be ashamed of yourself, blackening their names.”

  “They don’t need my help for that.” He tugged Amanda’s hair. “Worth announced that there was a half-eaten lollipop in someone’s bed this morning.”

  “I was going to finish it tonight,” Justin stated, looking earnestly up at his father. “He didn’t throw it away, did he?”

  “Afraid so.”

  “Nuts.”

  “He had a few choice things to say about the state of the sheets,” Seth added mildly.

  Justin set his mouth—his mother’s mouth—into a pout. “Do I have to ’pologize again?”

  “I should think so.”

  “I wanna watch.” Amanda was already scrambling down in anticipation.

  “I’m always ’pologizing,” Justin said wearily. Ruth watched him troop from the room with Amanda trotting to keep up.

  “You know, of course,” Ruth began, “that Worth adores them.”

  “Yes, but he’d hate to know his secret was out.” Seth could hear both sets of feet clattering down the hall toward the kitchen.

  “He always awed me.” Ruth set the book aside. “All the months I lived with you I never grew completely used to him.”

  “No one handles him as well as Lindsay does.” Seth sat back and let his mind relax. “He’s never yet realized he’s being handled.”

  “There’s no one like Lindsay,” Ruth said.

  “No,” Seth said in simple agreement. “No one.”

  “Was it frightening falling in love with someone so—special?”

  He could read the question in her eyes and knew what she was thinking. “Loving’s always frightening if it’s important. Loving someone special only adds to it. Lindsay scared me to death.”

  “How strange. I always thought of you as invulnerable and fearless.”

  “Love makes cowards of all of us, Ruth.” The memories of his first months with Lindsay, before their marriage, came back to him. “I nearly lost her once. Nothing’s ever frightened me more.”

  “I’ve watched you for five years.” Ruth was frowning in concentration. “Your love’s the same as it was in the very beginning.”

  “No.” Seth shook his head. “I love her more, incredibly more. So I have more to lose.”

  They both heard her burst through the front door. “God save me from mothers who want Pavlova after five lessons!”

  “She’s home,” Seth said mildly.

  “Mrs. Fitzwalter,” Lindsay began without preamble as she stormed into the room, “wants her Mitzie to take class with Janet Conner. Never mind that Janet has been taking lessons for two years and Mitzie just started two weeks ago.” Lindsay plopped into a chair and glared. “Never mind that Janet has talent and Mitzie has lead feet. Mitzie wants to take class with her best friend, and Mrs. Fitzwalter wants to car pool.”

  “You, of course, explained diplomatically.” Seth lifted a brow.

  “I was the epitome of diplomacy. I’ve been taking Worth lessons.” She turned to Ruth. “Mitzie is ten pounds overweight and can’t manage first position. Janet’s been on toe for two months.”

  “You might find her another car pool,” Ruth suggested.

  “I did.” Lindsay smiled, pleased with herself. The smile faded as she noted the abnormal quiet. “Where are the children?”

  “Apologizing,” Seth told her.

  “Oh, dear, again?” Lindsay sighed and smiled. Rising, she crossed to Seth. “Hi.” She bent and kissed him. “Did you solve your cantilever problem?”

  “Just about,” he told her and brought her back for a more satisfying kiss.

  “You’re so clever.” She sat on the arm of his chair.

  “Naturally.”

  “And you work too hard. Holed up in that office every day, and on Saturday.” She slipped her hand into his. “Let’s all go for a walk on the beach.”

  Seth started to agree, then paused. “You and Ruth go. The kids need a nap. I think I’ll join them.”

  Lindsay looked at him in surprise. The last thing Seth would do on a beautiful Saturday afternoon was take a nap. But his message passed to her quickly, and she turned to Ruth with no change in rhythm. “Yes, let’s go. I need some air after Mrs. Fitzwalter.”

  “All right. Do I need a jacket?”

  “A light one.”

  Lindsay looked back down at Seth as Ruth went to fetch one. “Have I told you today how marvelous you are and how I adore you?”

  “Not that I recall.” He lifted his hand to her hair. “Tell me now.”

  “You’re marvelous and I adore you.” She kissed him again before she rose. “I should warn you that Justin informed me yesterday that he was entirely too old for naps.”

  “We’ll discuss it.”

  “Diplomatically?” she asked, smiling over her shoulder as she walked from the room.

  ***

  The air smelled of the sea. Ruth had nearly forgotten how clean and sharp the scent was. The beach was long and rocky, with a noisy surf. An occasional leaf found its way down from the grove on the ridge. One scuttled along the sand in front of them. “I’ve always loved it here.” Lindsay stuck her hands into the deep pockets of her jacket.

  “I hated it when we first came,” Ruth mused, gazing down the stretch of bea
ch as they walked. “The house, the sound, everything.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  Ruth cast her a quick look. Yes, she thought, she would have known. “I don’t know when I stopped. It seemed I just woke up one day and found I was home. Uncle Seth was so patient.”

  “He’s a patient man.” Lindsay laughed. “At times, infuriatingly so. I rant and rave, and he calmly wins the battle. His control can be frustrating.” She studied Ruth’s profile. “You’re a great deal like him.”

  “Am I?” Ruth pondered the idea a moment. “I wouldn’t have thought myself very controlled lately.”

  “He has his moments, too.” Lindsay reached over to pick up a stone and slipped it into her pocket, a habit she had never broken.

  “Lindsay, you’ve never asked why I came so suddenly or how long I intend to stay.”

  “It’s your home, Ruth. You don’t have to explain coming here.”

  “I told Uncle Seth there was no one else like you.”

  “Did you?” Lindsay smiled at that and brushed some flying hair from her eyes. “That’s the best sort of compliment, I think.”

  “It’s Nick,” Ruth said suddenly.

  “Yes, I know.”

  Ruth let out a long breath. “I love him, Lindsay. I’m scared.”

  “I know the feeling. You’ve fought, I imagine.”

  “Yes. Oh, there are so many things.” Ruth’s voice was suddenly filled with the passion of frustration. “I’ve tried to work it out in my head these past couple of days, but nothing seems to make sense.”

  “Being in love never makes sense. That’s the first rule.” They had come to a clump of rocks, and Lindsay sat.

  It was right here, she remembered, that Seth and she had stood that day. She had been in love and frightened because nothing made sense. Ruth had come down from the house with a kitten zipped up in her jacket. She’d been seventeen and cautious about letting anyone get too close. Maybe she’s still being cautious, Lindsay thought, looking back at her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Ruth hesitated only a moment. “Yes, I think I would.”

  “Then sit, and start at the beginning.”

  It was so simple once begun. Ruth told her of the suddenness of their coming together after so many years of working side by side. She told her of the shock of learning he loved her and of the frustrations at having no time together. She left nothing out: the scenes with Leah, Nick’s quick mood changes, her own uncertainties.

  “Then, the day I left, Nadine spoke to me. She wanted me to know that if Nick and I had a break-up and wouldn’t work together, she’d have to let me go. I was furious that we couldn’t seem to keep what we had between us between us.” She stared out toward the sound, feeling impotent with frustration.

  “Before I had a chance to simmer down, Nick was demanding that I give up my apartment and move in with him. Just like that,” she added, looking back at Lindsay. “Demanding. He was so infuriating, standing there, shouting at me about what he wanted. He tossed in that he’d wanted me for five years and had never said a word. I could hardly believe it. The nerve!”

  She paused, dealing with a fresh spurt of anger. “I couldn’t stand thinking he’d been directing my life. He was unreasonable and becoming more Russian by the minute. I was to pack up my things and move in with him without a moment’s thought. He didn’t even ask; he was ordering, as though he were staging his latest ballet. No,” she corrected herself and rose, no longer able to sit, “he’s more human when he’s staging. He didn’t once ask me what my feelings were. He just threw this at me straight after my little session with Nadine and after the dreadful week of taping.”

  Ruth ran out of steam all at once and sat back down. “Lindsay, I’ve never been so confused in my life.”

  Idly, Lindsay jiggled the stone in her pocket. She had listened throughout Ruth’s speech without a single interruption. “Well,” she said finally, “I have a firm policy against offering advice.” Pausing, she gazed out at the sea. “And policies are made to be broken. How well do you know Nick?”

  “Not as well as you do,” Ruth said without thinking. “He was in love with you.” The words were out before she realized she had thought them. “Oh, Lindsay.”

  “Oh, indeed.” She faced Ruth directly. “When I first joined the company, Nadine was struggling to keep it going. Nick’s coming gave it much-needed momentum, but there were internal problems, financial pressures outsiders are rarely aware of. I know you think Nadine was hard—she undoubtedly was—but the company is everything to her. It’s easier for me to understand that now with the distance. I didn’t always.

  “In any case,” she continued, “Nick’s coming was the turning point. He was very young, thrown into the spotlight in a strange country. He barely spoke coherent English. French, Italian, a bit of German, but he had to learn English from the ground up. Of all people, you should understand what it’s like to be in a strange country with strange customs, to be the outsider.”

  “Yes,” Ruth murmured. “Yes, I do.”

  “Well, then.” Lindsay wrapped her arms around her knee. “Try to picture a twenty-year-old who had just made the most important decision of his life. He had left his country, his friends, his family. Yes, he has family,” Lindsay said, noting Ruth’s surprise. “It wasn’t easy for him, and the first years made him very careful. There were a lot of people out there who were very eager to exploit him—his story, his background. He learned to edit his life. When I met him, he was already Davidov, a name in capital letters.”

  She took a moment, watching the surf fly up on the rocks. “Yes, I was attracted to him, very attracted. Maybe half in love for a while. It might have been the same for him. We were dancers and young and ambitious. Maybe if my parents hadn’t had the accident, maybe if I had stayed with the company, something would have developed between us. I don’t know. I met Seth.” Lindsay smiled and glanced back up at the Cliff House. “What I do know is that whatever Nick and I might have had, it wouldn’t have been the right choice for either of us. There’s no one for me but Seth. Now or ever.”

  “Lindsay, I didn’t mean to pry.” Ruth gestured helplessly.

  “You’re not prying. We’re all bound up in this. That’s why I’m breaking my policy.” She paused another moment. “Nick talked to me in those days because he needed someone. There were very few people he felt he could trust. He thought he could trust me. If there are things he hasn’t told you, it’s simply because it’s become a habit of his not to dwell on what he left behind. Nick is a man who looks ahead. But he feels, Ruth; don’t imagine he doesn’t.”

  “I know he does,” Ruth said quietly. “I’ve only wanted to share it with him.”

  “When he’s ready, you will.” She said it simply. “Nick made ballet first in his life out of choice or necessity, take your pick. From what you’ve told me, it appears something else is beginning to take the driver’s seat. I imagine it scares him to death.”

  “Yes.” Ruth remembered what her uncle had said to her. “I hadn’t thought that he’d feel that way, too.”

  “When a man, especially a man with a flair for words and staging, asks a woman to live with him so clumsily, I’d guess he was scared right out of his shoes.” She smiled a little and touched Ruth’s hand. “Now, as for this Leah and the rest of this nonsense about your relationship interfering with your careers or vice versa, you should know better. After five years with the company you should be able to spot basic jealousy when it hits you in the face.”

  Ruth let out a sigh. “I’ve always been able to before.”

  “This time the stakes were higher. Love can cloud the issue.” She studied Ruth in silence for a moment. “And how much have you been willing to give him?”

  Ruth opened her mouth to speak, then shut it again. “Not enough,” she admitted. “I was afraid, too. He’s such a strong man, Lindsay; his per
sonality is overwhelming. I didn’t want to lose myself.” She looked at Lindsay searchingly. “Is that wrong?”

  “No. If you were weak and bent under every demand he handed out, he wouldn’t be in love with you.” She took Ruth’s hand and squeezed it. “Nick needs a partner, Ruth, not a fan.”

  “He can be so arrogant. So impossible.”

  “Yes, bless him.”

  Ruth laughed and hugged her. “Lindsay, I needed to come home.”

  “You’ve come.” Lindsay returned the hug. “Do you love him?”

  “Yes. Yes, I love him.”

  “Then go pack and go after him. Time’s too precious. He’s in California.” She smiled at Ruth’s puzzled face. “I called Nadine this morning. I’d already decided to break my policy.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Nick’s feet pounded into the sand. He was on his third mile. The sun was rising slowly, casting rose-gold glints into the ocean. Dawn had been pale and gray when he had started. He had the beach to himself. It was too early for even the most enthusiastic jogger. He liked the lonely stretch of sand turning gold under the sun, the empty cry of gulls over his head and the whooshing sound of the waves beside him.

  The only pressures here were the ones he put on his own body. Like dancing, running could be a solitary challenge. And here, too, he could put his mind above the pain. Today, if he ran hard enough, far enough, he might stop thinking of Ruth.

  How could he have been so stupid? Nick cursed himself again and increased his pace. What timing! What style! He had meant to give her more space, meant to wait until the scene was right. Nothing had come out the way he had intended. Had he actually ordered her to pack? What had possessed him? Anger, frustration, need. Fear. The choreography he had so carefully devised had become stumbling missteps.

  He had wanted to ease her into living with him, letting her grow used to the first commitment before he slid her into marriage. He had destroyed it all with temper and arrogance.

  Once he had begun, he had been unable to stop himself. And how she had looked at him! First stunned, then furious. How could he have been so clumsy? There had been countless women in his life, and he had never had such trouble telling them what he felt—what he didn’t feel. How many languages could he make love in? Why, when it finally mattered, had he struck out like a blundering fool? Yet it had been so with every step in his courtship of Ruth.