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Page 17


  “That’s exactly what I can’t do.” Driven, she went to him. “Mitch, I do care for you, but I’m not going to depend on you. I can’t afford to expect or anticipate or rely.”

  “So you’ve said.” He set the card down carefully on the table. “I’m not arguing.”

  “What were you saying before—”

  “What did I say?”

  “About when we were married.”

  “Did I say that?” He smiled at her as he wound her hair around his finger. “I don’t know what I could have been thinking of.”

  “Mitch, I have a feeling you’re trying to throw me off guard.”

  “Is it working?”

  Treat it lightly, she told herself. If he wanted to make a game of it, she’d oblige him. “Only to the point that it confirms what I’ve always thought about you. You’re a very strange man.”

  “In what context?”

  “Okay, to begin with, you talk to your dog.”

  “He talks back, so that doesn’t count. Try again.” With her hair still wound around his finger, he tugged her a bit closer. Whether she realized it or not, they were talking about their relationship, and she was relaxed.

  “You write comic books for a living. And you read them.”

  “Being a woman with banking experience, you should understand the importance of a good investment. Do you know what the double issue of my Defenders of Perth is worth to a collector? Modesty prevents me from naming figures.”

  “I bet it does.”

  He acknowledged this with a slight nod. “And, Mrs. Wallace, I’d be happy to debate the value of literature in any form with you. Did I mention that I was captain of the debating team in high school?”

  “No.” She had her hands on his chest, once again drawn to the tough, disciplined body beneath the tattered sweater. “There’s also the fact that you haven’t thrown out a newspaper or magazine in five years.”

  “I’m saving up for the big paper drive of the second millennium. Conservation is my middle name.”

  “You also have an answer for everything.”

  “There’s only one I want from you. Did I mention that I fell for your eyes right after I fell for your legs?”

  “No, you didn’t.” Her lips curved just a little. “I never told you that the first time I saw you, through the peephole, I stared at you for a long time.”

  “I know.” He grinned back at her. “If you look in those things right, you can see a shadow.”

  “Oh,” she said, and could think of nothing else to say.

  “You know, Mrs. Wallace, those kids could come running back in here anytime. Do you mind if we stop talking for a few minutes?”

  “No.” She slipped her arms around him. “I don’t mind at all.”

  She didn’t want to admit even to herself that she felt safe, protected, with his arms around her. But she did. She didn’t want to accept that she’d been afraid of losing him, terrified of the hole he would have left in her life. But the fear had been very real. It faded now as she lifted her lips to his.

  She couldn’t think about tomorrow or the future Mitch sketched so easily with talk of marriage and family. She’d been taught that marriage was forever, but she’d learned that it was a promise easily made and easily broken. There would be no more broken promises in her life, no more broken vows.

  Feelings might rush through her, bringing with them longings and silver-dusted dreams. Her heart might be lost to him, but her will was still her own. Even as her hands gripped him tighter, pulled him closer, Hester told herself it was that will that would save them both unhappiness later.

  “I love you, Hester.” He murmured the words against her mouth, knowing she might not want to hear them but that it was something he had to say. If he said it enough, she might begin to believe the words and, more, the meaning behind them.

  He wanted forever from her—forever for her—not just a moment like this, stolen in the sunlight that poured through the window, or other moments, taken in the shadows. Only once before had he wanted anything with something close to this intensity. That had been something abstract, something nebulous called art. The time had eventually come when he’d been forced to admit that dream would never be within reach.

  But Hester was here in his arms. He could hold her like this and taste the sweet, warm longings that stirred in her. She wasn’t a dream, but a woman he loved and wanted and would have. If keeping her meant playing games until the layers of her resistance were washed away, then he’d play.

  He lifted his hands to her face, twining his fingers into her hair. “I guess the kids will be coming back.”

  “Probably.” Her lips sought his again. Had she ever felt this sense of urgency before? “I wish we had more time.”

  “Do you?”

  Her eyes were half closed as he drew away. “Yes.”

  “Let me come back tonight.”

  “Oh, Mitch.” She stepped into his arms to rest her head on his shoulder. For the first time in a decade, she found the mother and the woman at war. “I want you. You know that, don’t you?”

  Her heart was still pumping hard and fast against his. “I think I figured it out.”

  “I wish we could be together tonight, but there’s Rad.”

  “I know how you feel about me staying here with Rad in the next room. Hester . . .” He ran his hands up her arms to rest them on her shoulders. “Why not be honest with him, tell him we care about each other and want to be together?”

  “Mitch, he’s only a baby.”

  “No, he’s not. No, wait,” he continued before she could speak again. “I’m not saying we should make it seem casual or careless, but that we should let Radley know how we feel about each other, and when two grown people feel this strongly about each other, they need to show it.”

  It seemed so simple when he said it, so logical, so natural. Gathering her thoughts, she stepped back. “Mitch, Rad loves you, and he loves with the innocence and lack of restriction of a child.”

  “I love him, too.”

  She looked into his eyes and nodded. “Yes, I think you do, and if it’s true, I hope you’ll understand. I’m afraid that if I bring Radley into this at this point, he’ll come to depend on you even more than he already does. He’d come to look at you as . . .”

  “As a father,” Mitch finished. “You don’t want a father in his life, do you, Hester?”

  “That’s not fair.” Her eyes, usually so calm and clear, turned to smoke.

  “Maybe not, but if I were you, I’d give it some hard thought.”

  “There’s no reason to say cruel things because I won’t have sex with you when my son’s sleeping in the next room.”

  He caught her by the shirt so fast she could only stare. She’d seen him annoyed, pushed close to the edge, but never furious. “Damn you, do you think that’s all I’m talking about? If all I wanted was sex, I could go downstairs and pick up the phone. Sex is easy, Hester. All it takes is two people and a little spare time.”

  “I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes, knowing she’d never said or done anything in her life she’d been more ashamed of. “That was stupid, Mitch; I just keep feeling as though my back’s against the wall. I need some time, please.”

  “So do I. But the time I need is with you.” He dropped his hands and stuck them in his pockets. “I’m pressuring you. I know it, and I’m not going to stop, because I believe in us.”

  “I wish I could, also, honestly I do, but there’s too much at stake for me.”

  And for himself, Mitch thought, but was calm enough now to hold off. “We’ll let it ride for a while. Are you and Rad up to hitting a few arcades in Times Square tonight?”

  “Sure. He’d love it.” She stepped toward him again. “So would I.”

  “You say that now, but you won’t after I humiliate you with my superior skill.”

  “I love you.”

  He let out a long breath, fighting back the urge to grab her again and refuse to let go. “
You going to let me know when you’re comfortable with that?”

  “You’ll be the first.”

  He picked up the card Radley had made him. “Tell Rad I’ll see him later.”

  “I will.” He was halfway to the door when she started after him. “Mitch, why don’t you come to dinner tomorrow? I’ll fix a pot roast.”

  He tilted his head. “The kind with the little potatoes and carrots all around?”

  “Sure.”

  “And biscuits?”

  She smiled. “If you want.”

  “Sounds great, but I’m tied up.”

  “Oh.” She struggled with the need to ask how but reminded herself she didn’t have the right.

  Mitch smiled, selfishly pleased to see her disappointment. “Can I have a rain check?”

  “Sure.” She tried to answer the smile. “I guess Radley told you about his birthday next week,” she said when Mitch reached the door.

  “Only five or six times.” He paused, his hand on the knob.

  “He’s having a party next Saturday afternoon. I know he’d like you to come if you can.”

  “I’ll be there. Look, why don’t we take off about seven? I’ll bring the quarters.”

  “We’ll be ready.” He wasn’t going to kiss her goodbye, she thought. “Mitch, I—”

  “I almost forgot.” Casually he reached in his back pocket and pulled out a small box.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?” He put it in her hand. “So this is a Valentine’s Day present.”

  “A Valentine’s Day present,” she repeated dumbly.

  “Yeah, tradition, remember? I thought about candy, but I figured you’d spend a whole lot of time making sure Radley didn’t eat too much of it. But look, if you’d rather have candy, I’ll just take this back and—”

  “No.” She pulled the box out of his reach, then laughed. “I don’t even know what it is.”

  “You’d probably find out if you open the box.”

  Flipping the lid, she saw the thin gold chain that held a heart no bigger than her thumbnail. It glittered with the diamonds that formed it. “Oh, Mitch, it’s gorgeous.”

  “Something told me it’d be a bigger hit with you than candy. Candy would have made you think about oral hygiene.”

  “I’m not that bad,” she countered, then lifted the heart out of the box. “Mitch, it’s really beautiful, I love it, but it’s too—”

  “Conventional, I know,” he interrupted as he took it from her. “But I’m just that kind of guy.”

  “You are?”

  “Just turn around and let me hook it for you.”

  She obeyed, lifting one hand up under her hair. “I do love it, but I don’t expect you to buy me expensive presents.”

  “Um-hmm.” His brows were drawn together as he worked the clasp. “I didn’t expect bacon and eggs, but you seemed to get a kick out of fixing them.” The clasp secured, he turned her around to face him. “I get a kick out of seeing you wear my heart around your neck.”

  “Thank you.” She touched a finger to the heart. “I didn’t buy you any candy, either, but maybe I can give you something else.”

  She was smiling when she kissed him, gently, teasingly, with a power that surprised them both. It took only an instant, an instant to be lost, to need, to imagine. His back was to the door as he moved his hands from her face to her hair to her shoulders, then to her hips to mold her even more truly against him. The fire burned, hot and fast, so that even when she drew away he felt singed by it. With his eyes on hers, Mitch let out a very long, very slow breath.

  “I guess those kids will be coming back.”

  “Any minute.”

  “Uh-huh.” He kissed her lightly on the brow before he turned and opened the door. “See you later.”

  He would go down to get Taz, Mitch thought as he started down the hall. Then he was going for a walk. A long one.

  ***

  True to his word Mitch’s pockets were filled with quarters. The arcades were packed with people and echoed with the pings and whistles and machine-gun sound effects of the games. Hester stood to the side as Mitch and Radley used their combined talents to save the world from intergalactic wars.

  “Nice shooting, Corporal.” Mitch slapped the boy’s shoulder as a Phaser II rocket disintegrated in a flash of colored light.

  “It’s your turn.” Radley relinquished the controls to his superior officer. “Watch out for the sensor missiles.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m a veteran.”

  “We’re going to beat the high score.” Radley tore his eyes away from the screen long enough to look at his mother. “Then we can put our initials up. Isn’t this a neat place? It’s got everything.”

  Everything, Hester thought, including some seamy-looking characters in leather and tattoos. The machine behind her let out a high-pitched scream. “Just stay close, okay?”

  “Okay, Corporal, we’re only seven hundred points away from the high score. Keep your eyes peeled for nuclear satellites.”

  “Aye, aye, sir.” Radley clenched his jaw and took the controls.

  “Good reflexes,” Mitch said to Hester as he watched Radley control his ship with one hand and fire surface-to-air missiles with the other.

  “Josh has one of those home video games. Rad loves to go over and play things like this.” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth as Radley’s ship barely missed annihilation. “I can never figure out how he can tell what’s going on. Oh, look, he’s passed the high score.”

  They continued to watch in tense silence as Radley fought bravely to the last man. As a finale, the screen exploded in brilliant fireworks of sound and light.

  “A new record.” Mitch hoisted Radley in the air. “This calls for a field promotion. Sergeant, inscribe your initials.”

  “But you got more points than I did.”

  “Who’s counting? Go ahead.”

  Face flushed with pride, Radley clicked the button that ran through the alphabet. R.A.W. A for Allan, Mitch thought, and said nothing.

  “My initials spell raw, and backward they spell war—pretty neat, huh?”

  “Pretty neat,” Mitch agreed. “Want to give it a shot, Hester?”

  “No, thanks. I’ll just watch.”

  “Mom doesn’t like to play,” Radley confided. “Her palms sweat.”

  “Your palms sweat?” Mitch repeated with a grin.

  Hester sent a telling look in Radley’s direction. “It’s the pressure. I can’t take being responsible for the fate of the world. I know it’s a game,” she said before Mitch could respond. “But I get, well, caught up.”

  “You’re terrific, Mrs. Wallace.” He kissed her as Radley looked on and considered.

  It made him feel funny to see Mitch kiss his mother. He wasn’t sure if it was a good funny or a bad funny. Then Mitch dropped a hand to his shoulder. It always made Radley feel nice when Mitch put his hand there.

  “Okay, what’ll it be next, the Amazon jungles, medieval times, a search for the killer shark?”

  “I like the one with the ninja. I saw a ninja movie at Josh’s once—well, almost did. Josh’s mom turned it off because one of the women was taking her clothes off and stuff.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Mitch stifled a laugh as Hester’s mouth dropped open. “What was the name?”

  “Never mind.” Hester gripped Radley’s hand. “I’m sure Josh’s parents just made a mistake.”

  “Josh’s father thought it was about throwing stars and kung fu. Josh’s mom got mad and made him take it back to the video place and get something else. But I still like ninjas.”

  “Let’s see if we can find a free machine.” Mitch fell into step beside Hester. “I don’t think he was marked for life.”

  “I’d still like to know what ‘and stuff’ means.”

 

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