Loved You First Read online

  “Some might say you could be serving justice in a nice, cushy law firm.”

  “Some might.”

  “You had offers.” When her brows lifted, he shrugged. “You’re representing my brother. I checked on you. Graduated top of your class at NYCC, passed the bar first shot, then turned down three very lucrative offers from three very prestigious firms to work for peanuts as a public defender. I had to figure either you were crazy or dedicated.”

  She swallowed a little bubble of temper and nodded. “And you left the navy with a chestful of medals, including the Silver Star. Your file includes, along with a few reprimands for insubordination, a personal letter of gratitude from an admiral for your courage during a rescue at sea in a hurricane.” Enjoying his squirm of embarrassment, she lifted her glass in toast. “I checked, too.”

  “We were talking about you,” he began.

  “No. You were.” Smiling, she cupped her chin on her hand. “So tell me, Muldoon, why did you turn down a shot at officer candidate school?”

  “Didn’t want to be a damn officer,” he muttered. Rising, he grabbed her hand and hauled her to her feet. “Let’s dance.”

  She chuckled as he dragged her onto the crowded dance floor. “You’re blushing.”

  “I am not. And shut up.”

  Rachel tucked her tongue in her cheek. “It must be hell being a hero.”

  “Here’s the deal.” Zack held her lightly by the arms on the edge of the dance floor. “You drop the stuff about medals and admirals, and I won’t mention that you were class valedictorian.”

  She thought it over. “Fair enough. But I think—”

  He pulled her into his arms. “Stop thinking.”

  It did the trick, all right. The moment she found herself pressed hard against him, her mind clicked off. She could still hear the music, the low, seductive alto sax, the pulse of the bass, the slow rhythms of the piano notes, but rational thought vanished.

  They weren’t dancing. Rachel was certain no one would call this locked-hard, swaying embrace a dance. But it would be foolish to try to pull away when there was so little room. Breathing wasn’t all that important, after all. Not when you could feel your own heart slamming against your ribs.

  She hadn’t intended to wind her arms quite so firmly around his neck, but now that they were there, there seemed little point in moving them. Besides, if she skimmed her fingers up just a bit, they could trail through his hair so that she could discover how fascinating that silky contrast was compared to the rock-hard body molded to hers.

  “You fit.” He bent his head so that his mouth was against her ear. “I was a little too wound up to be sure the other night. But I thought you would.”

  The subtle movements of his lips against her skin had her shivering before she could prevent it. “What?”

  “Fit,” he said again, letting his hands follow those curvy lines down to her hips and back again.

  “That’s only because I’m standing on my toes.”

  “Honey, height doesn’t have a thing to do with it.” He rubbed his cheek against her hair, filling himself with the scent, the texture. “You feel right, you smell right, you taste right.”

  Shaken, she turned her head before his mouth could finish its journey down the side of her face. “I could have you arrested for trying to seduce me in a public place.”

  “That’s all right. I know a good lawyer.” He trailed his fingers under the back of her soft wool sweater to the heated skin beneath.

  Her breath caught, then released unsteadily. “They’ll have us both arrested.”

  “I’ll post bail.” There was nothing but Rachel under the sweater, he was sure of it. His mouth went dry as dust. “I want you alone.” Biting off a groan, he dipped his head to press his lips to her neck. “Do you know what I’d do to you right now if I had you alone?”

  She shook her swimming head. “We should sit down. We shouldn’t do this.”

  “I want to touch you, every inch of you. And taste you. I want to make you crazy.”

  He already was. If she didn’t manage to slow things down, her overcharged system was likely to explode. “Two steps back,” she said on a long breath, and took just that. His hands remained at her waist, but at least she could breathe again. At least she managed two gulps of air before she looked into his eyes and the breath backed up in her lungs again. “Too much, too fast, Muldoon. I’m not a spontaneous type of person.”

  What she was was a volcano ready to erupt. He was damn sure going to be there when the ground started to shake. But he didn’t intend to scare her off, either. “Hey, you want time. I can give you an hour. Two, if you really want me to suffer.”

  She shook her head, edging back to the table. “Let’s just say I’ll let you know if and when I’m ready to take this any further.”

  “She wants me to suffer,” Zack said under his breath. When she didn’t sit, he reached for his wallet. “I take it we’re leaving.”

  “An early evening,” she reminded him. And she wanted badly to get outside, where the air could cool her blood.

  “A deal’s a deal.” He tossed bills onto the table. “Why don’t we walk back? A little exercise might help us both sleep tonight.”

  A twenty-block hike, Rachel mused. It couldn’t hurt.

  “Cold?” he asked a short time later.

  “No. It’s nice.” But he slipped an arm around her shoulders anyway. “I don’t often get a chance to just walk. Mostly it’s a dash from my place to the office, from the office to the courthouse.”

  “What do you do when you’re not dashing?”

  “Oh, I go to the movies, window-shop, visit the family. In fact, I was thinking it might be good for Nick to go with me one Sunday. Have some of Mama’s home cooking, listen to one of Papa’s stories, see how my brothers harass me.”

  “Just Nick?”

  She slanted him a look. “I suppose we could make room for Nick’s brother.”

  “It’s been a long time since I—since either of us had a family meal. How about the cop? I can’t see him piping us aboard.”

  “I’ll handle Alex.” Now that she’d suggested it, her mind began to turn quickly. “You know, Natasha and her family are due to visit in a couple of weeks. Things will be crowded and crazy. It might be the perfect opportunity to toss Nick into your not-so-average-family type of situation. I’ll see what I can work out.”

  “I know I thanked you before, but I don’t think I know how to tell you how much I appreciate what you’re doing for him.”

  “The court—”

  “That’s bilge, Rachel.” They reached the steps of her building, and he turned her to face him. “You’re not just filing weekly reports or representing a client. You put yourself out for Nick right from the start.”

  “Okay, so I’ve got a weak spot for bad boys. Don’t let it get around.”

  “No, what you’ve got is class, and a good heart.” He liked the way she looked in the shadowy light, the vitality that pulsed from her like breath, the snap of energy and embarrassment in her eyes. “It’s a tough combination to beat.”

  She shrugged under his hands. “Now you’re going to make me blush, Muldoon, so let’s not get sloppy. If things work out the way we want, you can buy me more flowers at the end of the two months. We’ll call it square.” He let her back up one step, but then held her firm. She was uneasy, but she wasn’t surprised. “Listen, it’s been nice, but…”

  “I don’t figure you’re going to ask me in.”

  “No,” she said definitely, remembering how her body had reacted to him in a crowded club. “I’m not.”

  “So I’ll just have to take care of this out here.”

  “Zack…”

  “You know I’m not going to let you go without kissing you, Rachel.” To tease them both, he skimmed his lips over her jaw. “Especially when I only have to touch you to know all the want’s not on my side.”

  “This is never going to work,” she murmured, but her arms we
re already sliding around him.

  “Sure it will. We just put our lips together, and what happens happens.”

  This time she knew what to expect, and braced. It made no difference at all. The same heat, the same rush, the same power. The same reckless, unrelenting need. Had she said it was too much? No, it wasn’t enough. She was afraid she could never get enough. How could she have lived her entire life without knowing what it was to be truly needy?

  “I’m not getting involved this way,” she murmured against his mouth. “Not with you. Not with anyone.”

  “Okay. Fine.” Ruthlessly, he dragged her head back and plundered. A flash fire erupted between them until he felt singed down to the bone. He all but whimpered when she nipped impatiently at his lower lip. Images began to cartwheel in his head—him scooping her up and carrying her inside, falling with her into a big, soft bed. Making love with her on some white, deserted beach, with the sun beating down on her naked, golden skin. Waves pounding against the shore as she cried out his name.

  “Hey, buddy.”

  The voice behind him was nothing more than an irritating buzzing in his head. Zack would cheerfully have ignored it, but he felt the slight prick of a knife at his back. Keeping Rachel behind him, he turned and looked into the pale, sooty-eyed face of the mugger.

  “How about I let you keep the babe, and you hand over your wallet? Hers, too.” The mugger turned the knife so that the backwash of the streetlight caught the steel. “And let’s make it fast.”

  Blocking Rachel with his body, Zack reached in his back pocket. He could hear Rachel’s unsteady breathing as she unzipped her bag. It wasn’t impulse, but instinct. The moment the mugger’s eyes shifted, Zack lunged.

  With a scream in her throat and the Mace in her hand, Rachel watched them struggle. She saw the knife flash, heard the awful crunch of fist against bone before the blade clattered to the sidewalk. Then the mugger was racing off into the dark, and she and Zack were as alone as they’d been seconds before.

  He turned back to her. She noted that he wasn’t even breathing hard, and that the gleam in his eyes had only sharpened. “Where were we?”

  “You idiot.” The words were little more than a whisper as she fought to get them out over the lump of fear in her throat. “Don’t you know any better than to jump someone holding a knife? He could have killed you.”

  “I didn’t feel like losing my wallet.” He glanced down at the can in her hand. “What’s that?”

  “Mace.” Disgusted by the fact she hadn’t even popped off the safety top, she dropped it back in her purse. “I’d have given him a faceful if you hadn’t gotten in the way.”

  “Next time I’ll step aside and let you handle it.” He frowned down at the trickle of blood on his wrist and swore without much heat. “I guess he nicked me.”

  She went pale as water. “You’re bleeding.”

  “I thought it was his.” Annoyed more than hurt, he poked a finger through the rip in the arm of his sweater. “I got this on Corfu, my last time through. Damn it.” Eyes narrowed, he stared down the street, wondering if he had a chance of catching up with the mugger and taking the price of the sweater, if not its sentimental value, out of his hide.

  “Let me see.” Her fingers trembled as she pushed the sleeve up to examine the long, shallow slash. “Idiot!” she said again, and began to fumble in her purse for her keys. “You’ll have to come inside and let me fix it. I can’t believe you did something so stupid.”

  “It was the principle,” he began, but she cut him off with a stream of Ukrainian as she stabbed her key at the lock.

  “English,” he said, pressing a hand to his stomach as it began to knot. “Use English. You don’t know what it does to me when you talk in Russian.”

  “It’s not Russian.” Snatching his good arm, she pulled him inside. “You were just showing off, that’s all. Oh, it’s just like a man.” Still pulling him, she stalked into the elevator.

  “Sorry.” He was fighting off a grin, trying to look humble. “I don’t know what got into me.” He certainly wasn’t going to admit he’d had worse scratches shaving.

  “Testosterone,” she said between her teeth. “You can’t help it.” She kept her hand on him until she’d gotten them inside her apartment. “Sit,” she ordered, and dashed into the bathroom.

  He sat, making himself at home by propping his feet on her coffee table. “Maybe I should have a brandy,” he called out. “In case I’m going into shock.”

  She hurried back out with bandages and a small bowl of soapy water. “Do you feel sick?” Scared all over again, she pressed a hand to his brow. “Are you dizzy?”

  “Let’s see.” Always willing to take advantage of an opportunity, he grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her mouth to his. “Yeah,” he said when he let her go. “You could say I’m feeling a little light-headed.”

  “Fool.” She slapped his hand aside, then sat down to clean the wound. “This could have been serious.”

  “It was serious,” he told her. “I hate having someone poke me in the back with a knife when I’m kissing a woman. Honey, if you don’t stop shaking, I’m going to have to get you a brandy.”

  “I’m not shaking—or if I am, it’s just because I’m mad.” She tossed her hair back and glared at him. “Don’t you ever do that again.”

  “Aye, aye, sir.”

  To pay him back for the smirk, she dumped iodine over the wound. When he swore, it was her turn to smile. “Baby,” she said accusingly, but then took pity on him and blew the heat away. “Now hold still while I put a bandage on it.”

  He watched her work. It was very pleasant to feel her fingers on his skin. It seemed only natural that he should lean over to nibble at her ear.

  Fire streaked straight up her spine. “Don’t.” Shifting out of reach, she pulled his sleeve down over the fresh bandage. “We’re not going to pick things up now. Not here.” Because if they did, she knew there would be no backing off.

  “I want you, Rachel.” He caught her hand in his before she could stand. “I want to make love with you.”

  “I know what you want. I have to know what I want.”

  “Before we were interrupted downstairs, I think that was pretty clear.”

  “To you, maybe.” After a deep breath, she pulled her hand free and stood. “I told you, I don’t do things spontaneously. And I certainly don’t take a lover on impulse. If I act on the attraction I feel for you, I’ll do so with a clear head.”

  “I don’t think I’ve had a clear head since I laid eyes on you.” He stood, as well, but because it suddenly seemed important to both of them he kept his distance. “I realize how the saying goes about guys like me and women in every port. That’s not reality—not my reality, anyway. I’m not going to tell you I spent every liberty curled up with a good book, but…”

  “It’s not my business.”

  “I’m beginning to think it is, or could be.” The look in his eyes kept her from arguing. “I’ve been on land for two years, and there hasn’t been anybody important.” He couldn’t believe what he was saying, what he felt compelled to say, but the words just tumbled out. “I’ll be damned if there’s ever been anyone like you in my life.”

  “I have priorities…” she began. The words sounded weak to her. “And I don’t know if I want this kind of complication right now. We have Nick to think about, as well, and I’d rather we just take it slow.”

  “Take it slow,” he repeated. “I can’t give you any promises on that. I can promise that the first chance I get, when it’s just you and me, I’m going to do whatever it takes to shake up those priorities of yours.”

  She jammed nervous hands in her pockets. “I appreciate the warning, Muldoon. And here’s one for you. I don’t shake easily.”

  “Good.” His grin flashed before he walked to the door. “Winning’s no fun if it’s easy. Thanks for the first aid, Counselor. Lock your door.” He shut it quietly behind him and decided to walk home.

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; At this rate, he was never going to get any sleep.

  CHAPTER 5

  She wasn’t avoiding him. Exactly. She was busy, that was all. Her caseload didn’t allow time for her to drop by Zack’s bar night after night and chat with the regulars. It wasn’t as if she were neglecting her duty. She had slipped in a time or two to talk with Nick in the kitchen. If she’d managed to get in and out without running into Zack, it was merely coincidence.

  And a healthy survival instinct.

  If she let her answering machine screen her calls at home, it was simply because she didn’t want to be disturbed unnecessarily.

  Besides, he hadn’t called. The jerk.

  At least she was making some progress where Nick was concerned. He had called her, twice. Once at her office, and once at home. She found his suggestion that they catch a movie together a hopeful sign. After all, if he spent an evening with her, he wouldn’t be hanging out with the Cobras, looking for trouble.

  After ninety minutes of car chases, gunplay and the assorted mayhem of the action-adventure he’d chosen, they settled down in a brightly lit pizzeria.

  “Okay, Nick, so tell me how it’s going.” His answer was a shrug, but Rachel gave his arm a squeeze and pressed. “Come on, you’ve had two weeks to get used to things. How are you feeling about it?”

  “It could be worse.” He pulled out a cigarette. “It’s not so bad having a little change in my pocket, and I guess Rio’s not so bad. It’s not like he’s on my case all the time.”

  “But Zack is?”

  Nick blew out a stream of smoke. He liked to watch her through the haze. It made her look more mysterious, more exotic. “Maybe he’s laid off a little. But it’s like tonight. I got the night off, right? But he wants to know where I’m going, who I’m going with, when I’ll be back. That kind of sh—” He caught himself. “That kind of stuff. I mean, hey, I’m going to be twenty in a couple of months. I don’t need a keeper.”