Loved You First Read online

  “No thanks.”

  She rubbed her eyes and smiled. “I didn’t think so. He’s a good-looking boy, Mr. Muldoon. I’m looking forward to chatting with him.”

  “Thanks. Thanks a lot.”

  “I’ll be checking in on him.” She rose, stretched, and narrowed her eyes at Alex. “Cop.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “I can spot them a mile away,” she said, and walked out.

  CHAPTER 12

  The pain was a thin sheet of agony layered under dizziness. Every time Nick surfaced, he felt it, wondered at it, then slipped away again into a cocoon of comforting unconsciousness. Sometimes he tried to speak, but the words were disjointed and senseless even to him.

  He heard a disconcerting beeping, annoying and consistent, that he didn’t recognize as his heartbeat on the monitor. The squeak of crepe-soled shoes against tile was muffled by the nice, steady humming in his ears. The occasional prodding and poking as his vital signs were checked and rechecked was only a minor disturbance in the huge, dark lack of awareness that covered him.

  Sometimes there was a pressure on his hand, as if someone were holding it. And a murmuring—someone speaking to him. But he couldn’t quite drum up the energy to listen.

  Once he dreamed of the sea in a hurricane, and watched himself leap off the deck of a pitching ship into blackness. But he never hit bottom. He just floated away.

  There were other dreams. Zack standing behind him at a pinball machine, guiding his hands, laughing at the whirl of bells and whistles.

  Then Cash was there, leaning on the machine, the smoke from his crooked cigarette curling up in front of his face.

  He saw Rachel, smiling at him in a brightly lit room, the smell of pizza and garlic everywhere. And her eyes were bright, interested. Beautiful.

  Then they were drenched with tears. Overflowing with apologies.

  The old man, shouting at him. He looked so sick as he stumbled to the top of the stairs. You’ll never amount to anything. Knew it the first time I laid eyes on you. Then that blank, slack look would come over his face, and he could only whine, Where have you been? Where’s Zack? Is he coming back soon?

  But Zack was gone, hundreds of miles away. There was no one to help.

  Rio, frying potatoes and cackling over one of his own jokes. And Zack, always back to Zack, coming through the kitchen. You going to eat all the profits, kid? An easy grin, a friendly swipe as he went out again.

  The gleaming piano—that polished dream—and Zack standing beside it, grinning foolishly. Then the glitter of the overhead light on the barrel of a gun. And Zack—

  With a grunt, he threw off sleep, tried to struggle up.

  “Hey, hey…take it easy, kid.” Zack sprang up from the chair beside the bed to press a gentle hand on Nick’s shoulder. “It’s okay. You got no place to go.”

  He tried to focus, but the images around him kept slipping in and out like phantoms in shadows. “What?” His throat was sand-dry and aching. “Am I sick?”

  “You’ve been better.” And so have I, Zack thought, fighting to keep his hand from shaking as he lifted the plastic drinking cup. “They said you could suck on this if you came around again.”

  Nick took a pull of water through the straw, then another, but didn’t have the energy for a third. At least his vision had cleared. He took a long, hard look at Zack. Dark circles under tired eyes in a pale face prickled by a night’s growth of beard.

  “You look like hell.”

  Grinning, Zack rubbed a hand over the stubble. “You don’t look so hot yourself. Let me call a nurse.”

  “Nurse.” Nick shook his head, almost imperceptibly, then frowned at the IV. “Is this a hospital?”

  “It ain’t the Ritz. You hurting?”

  Nick thought about it and shook his head. “Can’t tell. Feel…dopey.”

  “Well, you are.” Swamped with relief, Zack laid a hand on Nick’s cheek, left it there until embarrassment had it dropping away. “You’re such a jerk, Nick.”

  Nick was too bleary to hear the catch in Zack’s voice. “Was there an accident? I…” And then it came flooding back, a tidal wave of memory. “At the bar.” His hand fisted on the sheets. “Rachel? Is Rachel all right?”

  “She’s fine. Been in and out of here. I had Rio browbeat her into getting something to eat.”

  “You.” Nick took another long look to reassure himself. “He didn’t shoot you.”

  “No, you idiot.” His voice broke, then roughened. “He shot you.”

  When his legs went watery, Zack sat again, buried his face in his hands. The hands were trembling. Nick stared, utterly amazed, as this man he’d always thought was the next best thing to superhuman struggled for composure.

  “I could kill you for scaring me like this. If you weren’t flat on your back already, I’d damn well put you there.”

  But insults and threats delivered in a shaky voice held little power. “Hey.” Nick lifted a hand, but wasn’t sure what to do with it. “You okay?”

  “No, I’m not okay,” Zack tossed back, and rose to pace to the window. He stared out, seeing nothing, until he felt some portion of control again. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Looks like you’re going to be that way, too. They said they’d move you down to a regular room sometime soon, if you rated it.”

  “Where am I now?” Curious, Nick turned his head to study the room. Glass walls and blinking, beeping machines. “Wow, high tech. How long have I been out?”

  “You came around a couple times before. They said you wouldn’t remember. You babbled a lot.”

  “Oh, yeah. About what?”

  “Pinball machines.” Steadier now, Zack walked back to the bed. “Some girl named Marcie or Marlie. Remind me to pump you on that little number later.” It pleased him to see a faint smile curve Nick’s lips. “You asked for french fries.”

  “What can I say? It’s a weakness. Did I get any?”

  “No. Maybe we’ll sneak some in later. Are you hungry?”

  “I don’t know. You didn’t tell me how long.”

  Zack reached for a cigarette, remembered, and sighed. “About twelve hours since they finished cutting you up and sewing you back together. I figure if he’d shot you in the head instead of the chest, you’d have walked away whistling.” He tapped his knuckles on Nick’s temple. “Hard as a rock. I owe you one, a big one.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “You saved my life.”

  Nick let his heavy lids close. “It’s kind of like jumping off a ship in a hurricane. You don’t think about it. Know what I mean?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Zack?”

  “Right here.”

  “I want to talk to a cop.”

  “You’ve got to rest.”

  “I need to talk to a cop,” Nick said again as he drifted off. “I know who they were.”

  Zack watched him sleep and, since there was no one to see, brushed gently at the hair on his brother’s forehead.

  “I told you his condition is good,” Dr. Markowitz repeated. “Go home, Mr. Muldoon.”

  “Not a chance.” Zack leaned against the wall beside the door to Nick’s room. He was feeling a great deal better since they’d brought his brother out of ICU, but he wasn’t ready to jump ship.

  “God save me from stubborn Irishmen.” She aimed a hard look at Rachel. “Mrs. Muldoon, do you have any influence with him?”

  “I’m not Mrs. Muldoon, and no. I think we might pry him away once he checks in on Nick. My brother shouldn’t be with him much longer.”

  “Your brother’s the cop?” She sighed and shook her head. “All right. I’ll give you five minutes with my patient, then you’re out of here. Believe me, I’ll call Security and have them toss you out if necessary.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “That goes for that giant who’s been lurking around the corridors, too.”

  “I’ll take them both home,” Rachel promised. She looked around quickly as the door opened. “
Alexi?”

  “We’re finished.” He couldn’t keep the satisfied gleam out of his eyes. “I’ve got some rounding up to do.”

  “He identified them?” Zack demanded.

  “Cold. And he’s raring to testify.”

  “I want—”

  “No chance,” Alex said quickly, noting Zack’s clenched fists. “The kid figured out how to do it the right way, Muldoon. Take a lesson. Keep him in line, Rach.”

  “I’ll try,” she murmured as her brother hurried off. “Zack, if you’re going in there to talk to him, pull it together.”

  “That son of a bitch shot my brother.”

  “And he’ll pay for it.”

  With a curt nod, Zack walked by her and into Nick’s room. He stood at the foot of the bed, waiting. “How are you feeling?”

  “Okay.” He was exhausted after his interview with Alex, but he wasn’t finished. “I need to talk to you, to tell you. Explain.”

  “It can wait.”

  “No. It was my fault. The whole thing. They were Cobras, Zack. They knew when to come in and how, because I told them. I didn’t know…I swear to God I didn’t know what they were going to do. I don’t expect you to believe me.”

  Zack waited a moment until he got his bearings. “Why shouldn’t I believe you?”

  Nick squeezed his eyes tight. “I messed up. Like always.” He poured out the entire story of how he’d run into Cash at the arcade. “I thought we were just talking. And all the time he was setting me up. Setting you up.”

  “You trusted him.” Zack came around the side of the bed to put a hand on Nick’s wrist. “You thought he was your friend. That’s not messing up, Nick, it’s just trusting people who don’t deserve it. You’re not like them.” When Nick’s eyes opened again, Zack took a firm hold of his hand. “If you messed up anything, it was yourself by trying to be like them. And that’s done.”

  “I won’t let them get away with it.”

  “We won’t,” Zack told him. “We’re in this together.”

  “Yeah,” Nick said on a long breath. “Okay.”

  “They’re going to kick me out of here so you can get some rest. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

  “Zack,” Nick called out as his brother hit the door. “Don’t forget the fries.”

  “You got it.”

  “Okay?” Rachel asked when Zack came out.

  “Okay.” Then he gathered her up, held her hard and close. She was slim and small, and as steady as an anchor in a storm-tossed sea. “Come home with me, please,” he murmured against her hair. “Stay with me tonight.”

  “Let’s go.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I can buy a toothbrush on the way.”

  Later, when he fell into an exhausted sleep, she lay beside him and kept watch. She knew it was the first time he’d done more than nod off in a chair in nearly forty-eight hours. Odd, she thought as she watched his face in the faint, shadowy light that sneaked through the windows. She’d never considered herself the nurturing type. But it had been very satisfying to simply lie beside him and hold him until the strain and fatigue of the past few days had toppled him into sleep.

  The bigger they are, she thought again, pressing a light kiss to his forehead.

  Still, as tired as she was, and as relieved, she couldn’t find escape in sleep herself. How daunting it was to realize she’d come to a point in her life where she wasn’t sure of her moves.

  Love didn’t run on logic. It didn’t follow neat lines or a list of priorities. Yet, in a matter of days, the bond that had brought them together would be broken. They would go into court, and it would be resolved one way or the other.

  Now was the time to face the what-happens-next.

  He’d asked her to move in with him. Rachel shifted to watch the pattern of shadows on the ceiling. It could be enough. Or much too much. Her problem now was to decide what she could live with, and what she could live without.

  She was very much afraid that the one thing she couldn’t live without was sleeping beside her.

  He shuddered once, made a strangled sound in his throat before ripping himself awake. Instantly she moved to soothe.

  “Shh…” She touched a hand to his cheek, to his shoulder, stroking. “It’s all right. Everything’s all right.”

  “Hurricanes,” he murmured, groggy. “I’ll tell you about it sometime.”

  “Okay.” She rested a hand on his heart, as if to slow its rapid pace. “Go back to sleep, Muldoon. You’re worn out.”

  “It’s nice that you’re here. Real nice.”

  “I likeΔ it, too.” One brow arched as she felt his hand slide up her thigh. “Don’t start something you won’t be able to finish.”

  “I just want my T-shirt back.” He moved his hand up her makeshift nightie until her warm, soft breast filled his palm. Comfort. Arousal. Perfection. “Just as I thought. This is a completely nonregulation body.”

  The stirring started low and deep, working its way through her. “You’re pushing your luck.”

  “I was having this dream about the navy.” His fatigue had everything moving in slow motion, making it all the more erotic when he slipped the shirt up and off. Her arms seemed to flow over her head and down again like water. “It makes me remember what it was like being at sea for months without seeing a woman.” He lowered his mouth to flick his tongue over her. “Or tasting one.”

  She sighed luxuriously, and even that slight movement heightened his need. “Tell me more.” His mouth met hers, so soft, so sweet.

  “When I woke up just now, I could smell your hair, your skin. I’ve been waking up wanting you for weeks. Now I can wake up and have you.”

  “Just that easy, huh?”

  “Yeah.” He lifted his head and smiled down at her. “Just that easy.”

  She trailed a finger down his back as she considered. “I’ve got only one thing to say to you, Muldoon.”

  “What?”

  “All hands on deck.” With a laugh, she rolled on top of him.

  And it was very, very easy.

  “You’re not being sensible,” she said to Nick as she walked up the courthouse steps beside him, supporting his arm. “It’s the simplest thing in the world to get a postponement under the circumstances.”

  “I want it over,” he repeated, and glanced over at Zack.

  “I’m with you.”

  “Far be it from me to fight the pair of you,” she said in disgust. “If you keel over—”

  “I’m not an invalid.”

  “You’re two days out of the hospital,” she pointed out.

  “Dr. Markowitz gave him the green light,” Zack put in.

  “I don’t care what Dr. Markowitz gave him.”

  “Rachel.” A little winded from the climb, but still game, Nick shook off her hand. “Stop playing mother.”

  “Fine.” She tossed up her hands, then lowered them again to fuss with Nick’s tie, brush the shoulders of his jacket. She caught Zack’s grin over Nick’s shoulder and scowled. “Shut up, Muldoon.”

  “Aye, aye, sir.”

  “He thinks he’s so cute with the nautical talk.” She stood back to study her client. He was still a little pale, but he would do. “Now, are you sure you remember everything I explained to you?”

  “Rachel, you went over the drill a dozen times.” Letting out a huff of breath, he turned to his brother. “Can I have a minute with her?”

  “Sure.” Zack tossed a look over his shoulder. “Hands off.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” The smirk was back, but it was good-natured rather than nasty. “Listen, Rachel, first I want to tell you how… Well, it was really nice of your family to come by the hospital the way they did. Your mom—” he pushed restless hands in his pockets, then pulled them out again “—bringing me cookies, and all the other stuff. Your father, coming by to hang out and play checkers.”

  It should have sounded corny, he reflected. But it didn’t.

  “They came to see you because they wanted to.”

>   “Yeah, but…well, it was nice. I even got a card from Freddie. And the cop—he was okay.”

  “Alex has his moments.”

  “What I’m trying to say is, whatever happens today, you’ve done a lot for me. Maybe I don’t know where I’m going, but I know where I’m not. I owe that to you.”

  “No, you don’t.” Worried she might cry, she made her tone brisk. “A little, sure, but most of it was right here.” She tapped a finger on his heart. “You’re okay, LeBeck.”

  “Thanks. One more thing.” He glanced over to be sure Zack was out of earshot. “I know I made things a little sticky before. Zack’s been making noises that you might be moving in. I just wanted you to know that I wouldn’t be in the way.”

  “I haven’t decided what I’m going to do. Regardless, you wouldn’t be in the way. You’re family. Got it?”

  His lips curved. “I’m getting it. If you decide to throw him over, I’m available.”

  “I’ll keep it in mind.” She gave his jacket one last tug. “Let’s go.”

  There was no reason to be nervous, she told herself as she led Nick to the defense table. Her statement was well prepared, and she had a sympathetic judge on the bench.

  She was terrified.

  She rose with the rest of the court when Judge Beckett came in. Ignoring the twisting in her gut, she gave Nick a quick, confident smile.

  “Well, well, Mr. LeBeck,” Beckett began, folding her hands. “How time flies. I hear through the grapevine that you ran into a bit of trouble recently. Are you quite recovered?”

  “Your Honor…” Puzzled by the break in courtroom routine, Rachel rose.

  “Sit, sit, sit.” Beckett gestured with the back of her hand. “Mr. LeBeck, I asked how you’re feeling.”

  “I’m okay.”

  “Good. I’m also informed that you identified the three desperadoes who broke into Mr. Muldoon’s bar. Three members of the Cobras—an organization with which you were associated, I believe—who are now in custody awaiting trial.”

  Rachel tried again. “Your Honor, in my final report—”